Greif Counseling

One of the best things I did on our break from fertility treatments and trying to conceive....I went to Greif counseling.  I had the most amazing therapist...she specializes in Angel babies.  In all my times going to counseling/therapy (yes...all my times), this has been the best experience.  I feel like I learned the most and grew the most from this experience. 

I can't even really explain what happened or how it helped...It just did.  I went about a year ago...right around the time my Gram passed away.  We were thinking of adoption and all of a sudden I didn't feel over our first Angel. My therapist helped me to understand that I might not ever be "over" it and that was perfectly okay.  We used my Gram's passing as a reference...She said, what would you say if someone asked you if you were "over" your grandmother's passing?

I remember thinking that I would never stop missing her, and that even though some days might be easier than others I would never not be sad about not having her here.  That didn't seem so weird to me, but for some reason if you have a miscarriage I felt like you should just be able to move on. 

She also asked me...if you delivered a baby and the baby died shortly after delivery, should you just get over it? That all definitely changed my perspective and made me feel like the way that I was feeling was totally okay. 

The biggest lesson (for me) was becoming okay with feeling however I felt.  I didn't have to feel guilty for being happy and I didn't have to beat myself up if I was sad.  I would have good days and bad days and no matter what kind of day I was having...it is okay. 

This has without a doubt been one of the biggest challenges I have ever had to face.  I wonder every day why I have had to deal with such a great challenge...and I don't know.  I feel better now than I think I have ever felt during this whole experience...but some days are still a challenge...and that is okay.