How Did We Get Here?

Last week I woke up at 3:00am to pee and I took at pregnancy test at the same time.  I bought the digital test and I am glad because I would never have been able to read the plus sign/two line type test at 3:00am.  My eyes were all foggy and blurry and I wasn't awake yet.  I stayed in the bathroom until the test processed.  It was positive and it said PREGNANT

I kept waiting for the NOT to show up in front of it.

I flung the bathroom door open and yelled to Lou.  He sat up quickly...I think he thought I was hurt or something.  I told him we were pregnant.  We sat up in bed and held the test and hugged.  I don't think we cried.  I was seriously in SHOCK!

We were both so happy that we couldn't go right back to sleep.  I sent a quick message to my friend Michelle, who spent 8 years trying for a baby before she and her husband had Katelyn.  I said something like...Guess what?  I just took a pregnancy test and it was positive. Please think happy thoughts and pray for us.  She wrote me back within an hour or so...she must have been up early with Katelyn.

I sat up in bed and told Lou..go get the cheesecake!  We had been to Cheesecake Factory for dinner and I brought home a piece of cheesecake for dessert.  I never ate it.  4:00am seemed like a perfect time for cheesecake.  Lou brought two forks and we ate cake in our bed to celebrate!

I had bought a little newborn baby onesie that said Daddy Loves Me.  I had bought it quite a while ago.  I was taking a chance buying it, but I remember thinking if we never get pregnant and I end up wasting $7.00 on this...I've wasted more than that before.  I kept it in my car hidden for a few months.  After I told Lou that we were pregnant I went out to the garage and dug the onesie out of my hiding place.  I brought it in and gave it to Lou.

We knew we would wait a little bit to tell people.  Not too long, but just long enough for the doctor to tell us that the lab work looked good.  My lab work came back really low after our first blood test.  I was worried, but trying to stay positive.

Yesterday I had my second blood test and before it even came back I started bleeding pretty heavily and I knew something was wrong.  The doctor called about an hour or so after I started bleeding and confirmed that I was having a miscarriage.

I am so sad and so shocked.  I really didn't think this would happen to us.  How did we get here?

It's been over a year since I posted an entry here.  I'm going to try and work backwards to document what's been happening on our journey to now.  Right now I am just sad...and hurting.  What happened?