Progress????

I don't know if you can call any of my latest events/news/appointments progress...Let's just say it's all part of this crazy journey.

I had a month on birth control so not much to report...I didn't track anything...I didn't pee on any sticks and honestly...It felt good to have a break from all of that. Life for us has been more than crazy lately and truthfully my baby hopes have been kind of on the back burner. 

Although we haven't had much time to talk about all of our fertility woes, life does move on and I still had to deal with this cyst on my right side. Good news...my cyst seems to be gone for now.  The pain is back, but there is no cyst to speak of.  Dr. Swanson does not know why I am still having pain on that right side...It truly has become quite pesky. I have had an appointment EVERY day since Monday (of this last week).

Monday: Ultrasound...cyst is gone.

Tuesday: Appointment with Dr. Swanson. He's glad the cyst is gone, but I am still having some pain and that doesn't seem to sit well with him.  I tell him about seeing Dr. Synn and the test that he wanted to do (mainly the hysterosalpingogram) and Dr. Swanson says that he has thought of giving me that test.  He also reminds me that he does not recommend Dr. Synn, and I told him that he would not be my first choice when/if it came time to actually do IVF. I got emotional and told Dr. Swanson that I am not ready to do IVF if we don't have to. He is still fairly sure that I will have another ectopic pregnancy on the right side if we are able to get pregnant from that side. I ask him about injectible medication to stimulate the left ovary. He says that he would be willing to give me something (medication) stronger than Clomid if we did the hysterosalpingogram and saw that my Right tube had scarred itself shut. If my right tube is scarred shut and we do medication to stimulate the ovary again...the only thing...I may get another cyst since my right ovary is already over stimulated. I ask the question..."Can you take out the Right ovary?" Dr. Swanson ignored it and I asked again.  He said, "Let's do the hysterosalpingogram, and see what that says."

Since I was day 9 of my cycle he told me to see if I could have it done tomorrow (Wednesday). He told me to come back and see him soon, and so I scheduled for a follow-up with Dr. Swanson on November 24th and left with my order for the hysterosalpingogram.

Wednesday: I mde my appointment for my hysterosalpingogram (for Thursday morning) and I had a day 10 ultrasound to see if I was growing any follicles. Since I did ovulate on my own after my last month of birth control (on day 12) we thought it might happen again this month.  Well, this ultrasound we saw only small cysts, but nothing really ovulatory. One bit of good news...We SAW the Left ovary.  We almost never see the Left ovary...ever. We saw it and there were some small cysts, but nothing ovulatory.  Barbara (who has become my very favorite nurse practitioner) said it might be too early so let's scan again Friday.

Thursday: The hysterosalpingogram...This really should be it's own post entirely, but I'll cram it all in. So no food or drink from midnight on. That usually would not be hard, but for some reason (probably because it was forbidden) I was STARVING at like 3am. And...my stomach was growling so loud it actually woke me up a few times...I am not joking.  Anyway, since Dr. Swanson seemed so casual about the whole thing I didn't feel the need to take Lou with me...I got there a little early and almost immediately I wished Lou (or anyone) would have come with me. I was kind of scared.  I have to admit I looked up pictures of the actual test and that kind of freaked me out...the pictures and the catheter.

They called me back and had me "empty my bladder." I got undressed in this nice dressing room and put all my belongings into a locker.  I put on my gown and a nurse came and got me.  She took me to an operating room type room...I'm sure they don't call it an operating room, but that was the feel...You know...really sterile, really white, really cold.  The nurse went through the whole procedure and asked me if I had any questions.  I didn't and so she went to get the doctor.

I don't remember the name of the doctor that did the hysterosalpingogram.  He was nice enough.  Everything went kind of quick once the doctor was in the room.  Everything started out like a pap smear...it wasn't all that uncomfortable or weird.  The catheter was inserted into my uterus and the little balloon on the tip was blown up.  That's when the painful part hits.  My uterus started to contract and it just felt like really strong cramps.  I had to move up on the table and they positioned the camera/machine over my belly.  The doctor controls how quickly the dye is inserted into your uterus.

As the dye went in it hurt a little bit, but mostly I was just very uncomfortable.  I wanted the whole thing to be over quick.  He said that the dye was going through my tubes and I immediately asked if the right tube looked open.  He said that it seemed to be, but said that he did not see much "if any" spillage. He had the nurse zoom in on that right side and had me manuver on the table to try and get a good view of what was happening.  The left side was spilling out quickly and so he decided to force more dye into the tubes.  The right side was so backed up that all of the liquid went straight to the left side.

He concluded that the left tube was wide open with "abundant spillage" and the right tube was open all the way to the ovary, but with "no spillage." So the right side had indead sealed/scarred itself shut.

I laid there for about 20 minutes after the doctor had gone and the nurse took a few more pictures once everything had settled. I got dressed. I had cramps pretty badly and I really just wanted to go home and get into my bed...but I had to go to work.  Luckily the cramps didn't last long and I felt pretty good all day.

That night I think it hit me that my whole right side was out of commission.  I felt sad.

Friday: I had another ultrasound with Barbara. She asked me about the HSG and I told her what had happened.  She went ot find the results and came back and said, "Your right side is out of commission." It was kind of hard to hear, but I was hoping to get another glimps of the left side...and praying for some ovulatory activity.

Unfortunately...we saw NOTHING. Not even a few small cysts.  Barbara tried to be encouraging and said that I should keep testing.  If I got a positive ovulation test it wouldn't hurt anything to have sex. If I ovulated on the right the sperm would not reach the egg and if by chance I ovulated on the left we might have success.  She said that she had no idea what Dr. Swanson would suggest, but reminded me of a few things to make sure I asked him.

I left the office and I cried.  I called my mom and she said let's meet for lunch.

We went to lunch and we went through all the scenarios.  We talked about IVF.  We talked about adoption. We talked about stimulating the ovaries and the possiblity of another cyst if we go that route.  I left lunch feeling better, but also wishing my appointment with Dr. Swanson was tomorrow instead of like 10 days away.

Lou and I talked last night...poor Lou...I know he has so much he's going through right now.  He took the time to reassure me.  He is so sweet about the whole thing.  I will see Dr. Swanson on the 24th.  We'll see what he recommends now.

I did not do an OPK today.  We saw nothing yesterday...I knew I would not get a positive OPK today.  Maybe tomorrow I'll start testing again. I hate testing.