The day after my surgery I felt worse than the actual day of surgery. I slept in, and Lou stayed home with me. We were both so exhausted that I think we stayed in bed until about 9:00 or 10:00 am (which is late for us…well late for Lou).
My grandma called and asked if we needed anything. I didn’t even know what we needed. I remember saying that it was okay for her to bring dinner later and we hung up. I got several calls throughout the day…mostly from family. Sometimes I answered…sometimes I let it go to voicemail. All the calls sounded the same…It was comforting to have so many people calling, but none of them really made things feel any better.
Over the next couple of days we had people stop by to give us food. No one really stayed to visit…it probably was awkward. I know I wouldn’t know what to say to a couple like us.
On Monday (June 8th) I went back to work…Only 5 days after surgery. I felt okay, but it was probably a little too early. I remember my boss saying that I didn’t look good, and that maybe I should only work a half day…I worked all day. I guess I thought that getting back to life would help me forget and move on.
A few days later I was in Dr. Swanson’s office. I had three small incisions from the surgery and they were healing up quickly. Physically I felt good. A little tender, but mostly good. I remember my conversation with Dr. Swanson that day. He was very concerned about my emotional health. He told us we could try again in about six weeks. I was eager to try again. Dr. Swanson expressed concern about my right tube…Although it had been salvaged it was damaged and my risk of another ectopic pregnancy on that side is great.
That was hard to hear since my right side is the only side that has responded to Clomid. Dr. Swanson mentioned that we’d stimulate with something stronger and see if we could get the left side stimulated. He didn’t want to talk too much about our next step…He was more concerned with me healing (both physically and emotionally).
I made an appointment to see him in 4 weeks and left. I felt mostly excited that we’d be able to try again soon, but I also knew that I had to grieve my loss.
I was forced to wait things out…I dealt with my emotions the best way I could. I don’t think Lou ever really dealt with his own emotions about the whole thing. He was so strong through it all. He was so busy finishing up the end of his school year. I remember him crying one night with me and saying that he didn’t really know how much he wanted another baby until we had lost the baby I was carrying.
In a way I think this whole experience brought us closer. Not that we weren’t close before, but it made me realize that we were both on the same page…he wanted what I wanted and we were more committed to our family and each other and that made me love him just a little bit more (if that is even possible).
Just before I was supposed to go into see Dr. Swanson at the beginning of July I started to feel some pain in my right side. I kept ignoring it (I knew it wasn’t another ectopic pregnancy), but soon I couldn’t ignore it anymore. Truthfully, it hurt worse than it did that night I called the doctor and was admitted to the hospital. I was getting scared.
I had joined a website called Fertility Ties and one day in the midst of my pain I wrote a message to one of the fertility doctors about my situation and my pain. I kind of thought I might just be ovulating (on the right side) and it might just be extra tender. I got an email back from the Fertility Ties doctor and what he wrote scared me. He mentioned re-growth from the ectopic pregnancy and that my tube could rupture if there were tissues left in there after the surgery.
I called my doctor’s office right away to tell them about the pain. I went in the next day for an ultrasound. I went to the lab first for another Beta Quant. I guess I would still have an elevated level of HCG if I had tissue left in there after surgery.
My HCG level was fine, but the ultrasound showed a tennis ball size cyst sitting right on my right ovary. It was against my bladder so when my bladder was full it hurt worse. It wasn’t anything that the doctor was worried about…Apparently after surgery or trauma to an ovary sometimes the ovaries work extra hard and produce too much estrogen. My cyst was just a big sac of estrogen. The cure: birth control pills.
What?! I had been off of birth control for a year and now I had to go back on them? I hated that. I hated taking them. I hated looking at them. I hated the fact that I was back on birth control…even if it was only for a month.
I did one month of birth control pills and in the mean time tried to focus on myself…my body, my eating habits, and exercising. I tried not to focus on getting pregnant, trying to get pregnant, testing.
The month went by quickly and as soon as I finished the birth control I started my period. I went into Dr. Swanson’s office for another ultrasound and this time…the cyst was gone. I made an appointment to see Dr. Swanson for a “talk” appointment and was on my way. I felt good. That month (August) I decided to start testing for ovulation just for fun. I had ordered a bunch of ovulation tests online and had at least 20 of them. I started testing on day 9 of my cycle and surprisingly on day 12 I got a positive. This was the first real positive I think I have ever gotten. I took a picture and emailed it to Luna to ask her opinion.
She sent back + + + + +!!!! I was so excited that my body had ovulated on my own. The only problem…what side was I ovulating from?
I went home and talked to Lou about it and we decided that we didn’t feel comfortable trying without talking to Dr. Swanson first. We skipped that ovulation and a week later I was back in Swanson’s office. I told him about my positive OPK (Ovulation Predictor Kit), and he was so excited. It was kind of cute how excited he got actually.
The only problem…this changed the course of my treatment. If I was going to have a few good cycles on my own doctor did not want to stimulate with medication. He told me to call and schedule an ultrasound on day 10 of my next cycle. Since I ovulated on day 12 this cycle we would hopefully catch a nice follicle on day 10 and I could give myself a trigger shot to release the follicle (if it was on the left side).
That was the only problem…the left side, up until now has never had any eggs. The left side looks normal according to Dr. S. He does not see any reason why the left side would not work, but some women just have a dominant side…Well my dominant side is my right side. The damaged side.
I felt optimistic at this time. I remember leaving the office feeling good...Like maybe my body was going to work right now. I would wait for the next cycle to start and we would try again. Hopefully everything would start working on it’s own…like it was supposed to. All I could do for now was wait….
To Be Continued….
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