Today

Today I went to see my doctor for an ovarian scan.  I had one last week and we saw nothing.  I was hoping for some follicles today, but unfortunately...Nothing again.  I asked what happens now...Back on medication or just try again on my own next month?..As my doctor started talking to me I felt tears stream down my cheeks.  What he was saying was not what I wanted to hear.

Because my right tube is not in proper working order, and my right ovary is always the ovary that is stimulated (even with fertility meds), doctor wants to recommend me for GIFT procedure.  He gave me some paperwork to look over and recommended a fertility clinic in San Francisco for us to use.  It felt real...I knew we needed fertility help, but I never thought I would have to do IVF or anything like that. 

Obviously, we can't afford that.  At least not right now.  I felt so deflated.  I kind of feel like we have come to a fork...kind of a dead fork...I just made that term up...that's like a dead end only it may not be an end forever...we're just stuck at the fork for now. 

We do have insurance, but it does not cover IVF...I called the insurance company today and they do cover GIFT (up to $5,000.00), but the procedure is much more than that.  Once I quit crying I called the clinic up in San Francisco and talked to Susan about everything.  She was so kind, however she said that GIFT is not very popular anymore and to her knowledge the physicians at that clinic hadn't done a GIFT procedure in about two years.  She sent me an email with a lot of information in it...The IVF procedure is even more than I thought it would be...at least it is there. 

I called the only Reproductive Endocrinologist that does IVF in town and made an appointment to see him.  I know we still can't afford the procedure right now, but I am hoping that he just might have some other solution...or at least something we might be able to try first. 

All in all...I cried most of today (yes, even at work).  Lou was very supportive and is determined to scrape the money together some how.  Everyone else I talked to seemed sorry to hear my news, but they all had their own comment that wasn't all that comforting..."It's okay, you're still young...You're only 30." "You can always think about adoption." (Don't get me started on that again.) "Let's get Lou well first." (Lou has a back injury right now...and I am not trying to be insensitive about his injury...Of course I know he needs to get well first.)

I don't quite know what I wanted to hear...